HOW DO I. HOW WILL I.

I reckon that struggling with oneself is perhaps the most complex challenge one can face, the interminable battles occurring in that place which should bring you pleasure and joy. The quiet laments, soaked pillows, hands clamped over your mouth to muffle any sound. You have endured this for too long that the cushion now always has a tissue next to it when you sit on your bed. A story familiar to many but none openly admits to the tears they shed. You have hurt without doing anything wrong yourself. My tears could end famine resulting from a grief I don't comprehend and from which I wish to distance myself,

for this far I am grateful for my procrastination. Due to a transformation in all aspects of me, it begat an aversion for myself yet how would I embrace elements of me that promote my delusions of sorrow?

Such as terrors,

persistent daily mental preparation so as not to make a public fuss due to worries concocted by my own mind; torturing myself like an outsider in my own body, I have no control. Watching impotently while myself devours me with gilded cutlery. How would I recognize affection,

if this is what I am aware of from my earliest celebration of affection: misery,

affliction,

weeping,

horrifying thoughts? How do I break out,how can I learn once again love for my heart:

initial betrayer,

how might I condone its actions,how could I again teach it the tactics it learnt only as methods of persisting? Blame not laid anywhere, no instructor was put in place guiding it, learned on its own yet needs retraining around all it knows, because what it rolls with is not what I should know.Dependent on a universe progressively murderous sans guilt each day requiring resigning. Yearning to be acquainted with peace,

yearning to embrace love,

yearning long embraces,

yearning true smiles while admiring myself succeed.. Bleak right?, how do you make do? Please do not let anyone think you are disquieted.,Forgive me everyone facing hardships yet remember you possess immense power. Mental well-being really an ordeal for most individuals.,Beaming or crestfallen no one will ever truly understand , elated or shattered someone will incessantly listen.How might ,I initiate by saying ILOVEYOU.